Insignificance

A man standing before the wild Atlantic Ocean.

I was all alone. Just my camera and the cries of the raging sea beneath me for company. The only signs of colour in the landscape was a few escaping yellow buds of gorse, high up on the coastal path. The north-easterly wind had been howling all afternoon, and the tides were hitting the Devonshire coastline like a herd of charging bulls. At times, raindrops appeared to be falling upwards. It was grey, wet and completely miserable, as was I. Despite sitting that morning and compiling a list of all of the things to be grateful for, it appeared that I’d missed ‘wind’ off my list. Throughout my day so far, I had been sure to let it know about my feelings.

My morning had been spent trudging through miles of boggy ground in the middle of a bleak and miserable Dartmoor National Park. Many of the parks’ wild, naked hawthorn trees had provided shelter for me as I tried to escape the wrath of the 40+mph gales for a few minutes of silence and contemplation. I’d already seen my camera and tripod fall to the ground, narrowly missing some rocks. My feet were wet through and, after battling the wind for a few miles out here on the coastline, I had well and truly had enough. The lodge was calling my name. I wanted nothing more than to remove my socks and plant my cold feet firmly on the heated wooden floor.

My final stop of the day was a remote cove on the south coast of Devon, just outside of Plymouth. I had hiked for a few miles to get here and, despite my desire to walk on by and go straight back to the car, I descended the path and stepped foot out onto the narrow beach.

The rain was still pouring and the wind was showing no signs of letting up. Down here in the cove, it was relentless; a vicious onslaught of icy cold gusts and tidal spray combined with rain dampened any remaining enthusiasm that I had to create. Along the beach, my eyes were drawn to the mess and debris that had been washed up on the shore; wooden pallets, crisp packets, and broken plastic casing, despite the outstanding natural beauty that was all around me. Looking out into the sea, at the seemingly endless abyss brought some uncomfortable questions to mind. I stood and pondered my surroundings for a while, before trying, and failing, to find a meaningful subject to photograph.

Back in the comfort of the lodge, I sat for a while and reflected upon my first day in Devon. To say that I was disappointed with myself would be an understatement. I thought long and hard about the fortunate position that I was in to be able to create photographs, with an audience in different corners of the planet; people who are interested in the stories that I have to tell. Only a few days ago, I had been writing about ‘losing my sense of wonder’ when outside in nature, and about missing the feelings of childlike curiosity that I had at the beginning of my photography journey. Yet, here I was, with a new genre and plenty of opportunity to play and experiment without expectation, and I could barely muster the willpower to even pull my camera from my rucksack and look for a photograph.

I have been a student of Stoic philosophy on and off for a few years now and yet, I had allowed myself to forget one of the most important and repetitive teachings that has been so important to me:

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” 

~ Marcus Aurelius

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” 

~ Epictetus

That night, I sat and reminded myself that if I want to progress in my pursuit to add any kind of artistic merit to my photography, then I am going to have to show some level of discipline with my approach. If I took photographs only when I felt like it, then much of the year would go to waste. Every day brings a new chance for us to experiment and explore; both the landscape and ourselves, for new stories to tell, and isn’t that why we all pick a camera up in the first place?

In this case, I wanted a story to tell about introspection, perseverance and of dedication to my chosen craft. A few years ago, I told myself and my journal that I would create photographs as though my life depended on it. I made the decision that night to return to the cove the following afternoon to create something, anything, regardless of what the day might bring.

After a morning walk along the river, I packed up my bag with supplies and followed the calls of the sea back down to the south Devonshire coastline. My mind was much clearer this time round.

I have been a strong advocate of the power of a writing routine for a few years now and my journal has been a place for me to reflect, release, find new direction in life, and make sense of many of my emotions. Sitting at the desk that previous night helped me in many ways, and I came back to the cove with a completely new perspective and refreshed attitude. Despite what were, once again, some treacherous conditions, my perseverance paid off and I managed to come away with the following photograph.

The tide swirling in at Soar Mill Cove.

Photography, for me, is so much more about the lessons and the wisdom that I accrue throughout my journey, than it is about the gathering of the photographs themselves. Some photographs, like the above, serve to remind me of what I learn through the creative process. What they lack in aesthetic appeal; magical light, vibrant colours, mood, drama, or anything else that might, for example, make an image popular across social media platforms or in a competition, they more than make up for in the story behind them.

With my chosen form of art, what I am able to become through the journey harbours much more interest to me, than any form of extrinsic rewards such as likes, comments or sales. I create to express. I create to share my emotions. I create to make sense of and communicate what it means to me to be a human being. I create to feel understood. Anything else that comes from that is a bonus.

Out here on the Cornish coastline, during the final day of my visit, everything was put into perspective. As I stood up on the footpath to The Rumps, looking out over cliff faces that were as tall as skyscrapers, I was reminded of the insignificance of all of my annoyances, fears, hopes, desires and dreams. The wind was still howling. The waves were still crashing. The cliff faces continued to erode. Despite my concerns and complaints just a few days earlier, Mother Nature failed to relent. ‘All of this is impermanent’, I thought, and that moment was liberating.

With that thought in mind, I made my way to my final port. Here, on the north coast of Cornwall, I explored with feelings of freedom, excitement and curiosity. It was on this wonderful beach, one that had been formed over millennia that I learnt to ‘play’ with my camera again. I clambered over the huge rocks that had fallen out of the skies, I ran from the incoming tide, slipped on algae, studied the swirling patterns engraved in the rocks, and created freely, without any expectation in mind. It was here, at Trebarwith Strand, that my heart filled up, and I found a missing part of myself again.

“The great geniuses are those who have kept their childlike spirit and have added to it breadth of vision and experience.”

– Alfred Stieglitz