A Photographer’s Mindset

I have always had an obsession with greatness. Whenever I picked up a new hobby, I wanted to become the best that I could possibly be. It didn’t matter whether I was playing computer games as a child, or football as a teenager, bodybuilding throughout my twenties, or creating photographs and writing as I sit here this evening, I have given everything I have because it is all I have known how to do.

I no longer try to hide the fact that my family was poor. We lived in social housing, frequently ate beans on toast or frozen sausages and potato waffles for tea, and I had my school meals paid for by the taxpayer throughout all of my time in education. Me and my siblings weren’t afforded too many luxuries as we grew up, and I remember going to school with holes in my shoes for a while, although we were often treated well on our birthdays and at Christmas because my mum couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing the biggest smiles on her children’s’ faces on our special days. She paid the price of these smiles over the next few months when strange people would come knocking on the door and she would have to hand over whatever money she could dig out from the bottom of her purse to get rid of them.

I have memories of making the long walk to the Job Centre with my stepfather one day. I sat with him as he fed the person behind the desk a load of lies so that he could keep ‘signing on’ and getting paid what I think was probably some kind of jobseekers allowance. The truth is, he was never ‘seeking a job’ and was quite content telling lies and taking the money from the government whilst he sat and sold drugs from the living room of our home to earn more bread for himself. I don’t remember seeing him lift a finger in the name of ‘work’ too often.

He did, however, instill in me an obsessive work ethic when it came to playing football. I harboured a dream of playing for England for many of my childhood years and I was going to stop at nothing to realise it. He would often play with me out in the garden, and it was him that I have to thank for my ability to use both of my feet on the football pitch. My ambidextrousness would deceive defenders aplenty throughout my teenage and early adult years and still, to this day, I don’t know which of my feet was the better one. His ‘training’ was instrumental in turning me into a self-confessed perfectionist and I quickly eliminated all forms of ‘play’ from my life to try to become the best footballer that I could be and, eventually, once that dream had faded, the best computer game player, bodybuilder, and now artist.

My pursuit of greatness has landed me in trouble upon many occasions throughout my life. I quickly resented anyone who told me that I was ‘too serious’ or that I could never ‘just play’. Those who said the latter were absolutely right. I never treated anything as ‘play’. I played to win, whether it was Monopoly at Christmas or a cup final with my football team, I was going to do whatever it took to win and I wasn’t going to be too happy if I didn’t get to raise my arms in celebration and enjoy the adulation at the fulltime whistle.

I have carried this mindset forwards into my career as a creative, although, thankfully, it isn’t as toxic as it was once upon a time and I haven’t erupted in fits of anger and rage upon any of my ‘opposition’ so far. I accept that art is completely subjective, and I won’t allow many peoples’ opinions of my work to influence me because I believe wholeheartedly in what I am doing. I am glad that there isn’t too much emphasis placed upon the results of competitions within the industry. Placing in competitions isn’t seen as the be-all and end-all in the world of photography, and instead, most photographers are simply trying to become the best artist that they can be - adding depth and meaning to their works and, in turn, their souls.

This is certainly true for me. I have dedicated my life to serve the spirit of Nature through my creativity, and I will do whatever is necessary to share the wisdom that I have accessed through my adventures across the internal landscape with as many people as possible as I do my part to inspire healing in the world and strive to bring humanity back into harmony with the natural world.

Creativity is my tool for self-mastery, and, despite my years looking towards the opposition on the football pitch or across the Monopoly board at Christmas, there was a deeper part of me that knew that the only competition throughout it all was myself. I have been on a journey to become the greatest version of myself for as long as I can remember. This journey has gained significant traction over the past few years as I have gained understanding about the power of creativity for personal and spiritual development.

I no longer seek for victory externally, but simply wish to continue looking within as I uncover further depths of my own soul and share my life’s education and personal truth and wisdom through my photographs and writings. The pursuit of truth and wisdom, I believe, is what leads a man towards the greatness that I once sought.